Why I am not a hero

One of my fellow ambassadors who met me in person for the first time the other day called me a hero for what I am doing.

What I am doing is expedition kayaking a great distance. That is what expedition kayakers do.

It takes training, knowledge of your boat and its capabilities, the water and how best to get from point a to b, the equipment you need, and safety.

There is no hero in that. The real heros are the men women we sent in harms way who witnessed things our minds can’t grasp. Things they wish they never saw or experienced but did and forever changed who they are.

These brave souls who fight these demons everyday. Who have friends and family turning away which makes it worse.

I have ptsd and i have lost friends, but my family still supports me. I am one of the lucky ones in that sense. Recenrly I found a woman who accepts my ptsd and still loves me and i love her. I hope she understands the void she has filled in my life.

A hero is ambassador Chris Cooper who even while battling his demons and even when having a bad day will still reach out to help someone who is having a worse day.

I live in fear everyday that someone will trigger me but i have to carry on everyday trying to stay positive.

I have a hard time falling asleep unless i do a lot of hard physical work then i am exhausted and will sleep as soon as i am horizontal. Most days it takes hours to get to sleep then I wake up a few times and go back to sleep.

My girlfriend started sleeping up against me which helped me fine peace and I could sleep better longer.

She is a great person and I love her.

So is it amazing what i am doing? Of course it is an adventure. Am I a hero for doing this? No I am just someone who is good at kayaking doing what he thinks is the best way he can spread the word.