Author: jvmullin

Too bad we can’t see into the future. I launched on the St George river. From Route 1 to the ocean would make a nice trip for the day. Relaxing natural views broken occasionally by a house here and there.

I tried to make a night run while wearing a headlamp. Doesn’t work well. Almost ran into some rocks and ran into a number of rockweed beds.

Landed on island to wait for moon. 3/4 moon isn’t bright enough so I have to wait for sun. Afraid to sleep due to tight schedule.

Moon gets bright just as sun is lightening up the eastern sky. I can see so time to launch.

Late in the day realized I am not making my fundraiser…Opportunity lost, feel like I let my fellow veterans down.

Made it to East Boothbay Harbor, had to wait for ride to portage me to Portland.

A fellow veteran has opened his house to me. I would like to thank his daughter for making an awesome chicken pot pie. That light flakey crust was awesome.

Time to sleep.

After good breakfast I am ready to pack up and hit the water once I get to the elusive St. George River.

Down the bay to the ocean follow the shore to Casco Bay then across Casco to South Portland.

 

Awoke at 4:45 AM think that light was the sun coming up.

Nope is was the moon finally getting around to showing up.

I got up packed up. packed the yak up turned the lights on and took off on course.

I ended up in VinalHaven and had to catch the ferry to the mainland as the seas were too dangerous for lone kayaker.

The ferry told me that in order to take my kayak it had to be on a truck. There were a couple of young guys in a dump truck. I walked over and asked if they would be willing to help a disabled vet. There was no hesitation four of us picked it up and got it into the truck and strapped down.

At the end of the trip they even helped unloaded it. Thanks guys awesome job.

While on the ferry I struck up a converastion with a gentleman about best place to launch in Rockland as the seas were still rough. He suggested St. Georges river just 3 miles from the ferry. I was starting my fourth 3 mile distance when I started getting dark and the hotel was right there.

Tried to fit the 17.5 ft kayak between the front doors at an angle…..not even close. Put the kayak locks on and locked it to the flag pole.

Honorable mention needs to be given to the ladies at Rockland Cafe and the cook for the friendly service and free lunch. Then the team at the Dunkin Donuts on the way to the river. They were interested in what I had to say about Mission22 and PTSD.

 

Woke up no fog packed the yak headed to store for breakfast sandwiches.

Went back to same boat ramp I exited from and launched, Got 6 nm outside of Stonington and everything went bad wind seas weather. Found Scragg Island and camped next 2 days waiting for a change.

17 rain and cold slept in the mummy bag.

 

Here is a thought that ran through my brain as I was laying there in my mummy bag on a mummy shaped air mattress. It is like putting an adult on a crib mattress and saying sweet dreams…..ain’t going to happen.

 

 

While stocking up on water and other provisions I look out to see a heavy fog bank rolling into town. Went to the motel just down the street and got a room. I wish that I would have packed some warm street clothes so that I could have gone exploring. I could have visited the kayak shop and got to known the locals. At lease I was warm and dry another night.

I have a bond with fellow veterans that cannot be explained or broken. It would be the same for law enforcement and firefighters.

I could not live day to day knowing that my fellow veterans were taking their lives. I still have compassion.

However I carry my own demons that have to be dealt with.

I find I am at peace when I am on the water alone in my kayak. It is the only time I do not feel the constant depression I normally feel.  I can escape the triggers of my PTSD because I am alone without the distractions that could trigger it. I am looking from the universe that healing energy that I need to become whole again. Will I get it or find it? I don’t have an answer yet but I have time to work on it.

What is my biggest demon? Years ago when I started doing underwater recovery in order to stay sane and not bring it home to my family I consciously threw a switch that disassociated myself from death. Although I was doing this to bring closure to the families. What does this mean? It meant that I could do my job without becoming emotionally involved with body I recovered. You have zero feelings about death your void of any empathy or compassion when it comes to death.

A prime example is a woman at work whose son is a veteran went to a hospital stating he wanted to commit suicide. After a number of test they released him and he went home and carried out his plan. Now he being a veteran I should feel something but nothing. It really depressed me and made me angry at myself. I had no words for her none that carried any weight or meaning. After 2 weeks I had a chance to explain to her that I wanted to say something but my words would have carried no weight and that I respected her to much to do that. She understood.

I have had to give up things in my life and I want them back. Just to be able to shop in a crowded store would be great, or to go to a concert, a movie,  to eat in a restaurant without looking for an escape route or asking fr a table close the door.

I have allot of time on the water to try to figure out how to turn that switch back off.

One of the things that is helping me is that I am 1/4 Cherokee and I am researching the spirituality of my Cherokee ancestors. I am more interested in their belies before the Europeans came. I feel that I have a spirit guide who protects me and I have other guides who steer me away from bad things and ideas. I had a woman trying to talk me into going to this weird church and the whole time this voice kept saying walk away this is not your path.

Anyway we all have our own path to go down. I am trying to find mine so that I canc sleep in more than 2 hour shifts.

Final note.

There is a woman Paddling around North America, do you remember her name?Maybe not but she will soon fade into history because its not news.

I am paddling the East Coast and if successful I will continue through the Gulf eof Mexico. You will forget my name too. However, you will, I hope, remember the cause. That is the important aspect of my journey.

I want your conversation with others to be, I met this guy who is kayaking to raise awareness about veteran suicide and PTSD. I wish it to be a daily part of your conversation and to spread the word through social media as well.

While I am on this journey and yes my kayak advertises my blog site the main reason of this trip is not me. It is the Veterans who are suffering mostly in silence not sure what to do or where to turn. It is about reach them letting them know hat there is hope out there and where they can get it.

It is about being compassionate as and towards fellow human beings. I have been telling everyone who will listen about the Mission the cause  and why I am doing it.

It has become an active part of my dialog to inform people that Veterans make up 9%of the US population and that 18-22 are committing suicide everyday and that this number is unacceptable to me. That is why  I am spreading the word and trying to raise the funds needed to help my fellow brothers and sisters.

S0 if you are following me and I have talked to you I know you are spreading the word and for that I will be forever grateful as will those we save.

Sometimes I think by using the term Veteran that people forget that these people are sons and daughters brothers and sisters aunts and uncles husbands and wives and cousins. They are the same as everyone else except and some point in our lives we wrote a blank check to the government that included our lives in the defense of freedom and democracy.

We have seen things and experienced things first hand that people should not have to but this is the price we paid. We took an oath without an expiration date. That was quite the commitment we took for our families and for you.

We are not nor will we ever be the same person we were before all this. Accept it as we have to accept it. For us it is much harder because there are reminders every day, noise, smells, words, etc. Wed try so hard to find some sense of normalcy but for some it is much more difficult compounded by old friends who no longer want to hang out with you, your spouse who doesn’t feel your the same person and that somehow you seem disconnected from the family.  Your own family who will love you anyway but can’t understand what you are trying to explain to them because they never lived it.

I know what they are going through. I went to a counselor about my PTSD and what caused it. Because they couldn’t understand what I was trying to tell them because they never lived it I left even more angry than when I went in. But I find that by talking with one of my former buddies we help each other because we can understand the emotions behind our angst.

I am just asking people to think about it contribute a little or allot  but please do something and get other to do so as well.

Awoke shivering and damp. Fired up my stove and made hot oatmeal for breakfast. Broke camp and set off west at 6:45 AM.

With the wind to my back and the seas fairly calm I made good time island hoping.

I finally made it to Stonington in time as I just ran out of water with the town in site.

Found a ramp put the yak on the dolly and went into town to find a market and lunch.

Stocked up the water and got more cheese. Fog rolled in which keeps me off the water.

Found nice motel with good rates. Received a 20% discount for Mission22 work.

Let us see what tomorrow brings.

checked out of hotel on the beach packing the yak.

heading out of Bar Harbor and heading west as far as i can.

looking at the MITA app there is plenty of islands to camp on tonight.

sunny n warm today good day to paddle.

Stopped in Southeast Harbor for lunch. No wifi but Beal’s Lobster Pier has charts on all the tables you just need to find the table with the chart you need. A local and I found the right cart and it helped me out.

Went to the island I thought was a MITA campsite but the access was only at high tide. wasn’t going to wait for 2 high tides so I did a night run to the next island with nice sand beach.

Pulled kayak up above hightide line and set up minimal amp tent and sleeping pad and pillow. Slept in clothes and drysuit. Early in the morning the temp dropped and I was freezing. used an emergency blanket to get warm.

 

I am having trouble with your email.

Please send me email at jmullinmba@gmail.com or call me tonight at 617 645 0273

Thank you

Joseph